Please Offend Me

August 20, 2013 — Leave a comment

photo(14)It was a crazy night in the mosh pit. Fists and limbs swinging through the air-kids colliding, shoving and rolling off each other. And, like Moses standing before the Red Sea, I needed these rolling waters to part so I could get through to the other side. I had to move quickly or I’d miss my window.

So, with my right arm locked and my fist straight out in front of me, I sliced through the masses, collecting their sweat and bracing myself against their scream. As I reached the other side, I dragged with me our only injury of the night-a broken nose. I could tell by the way he flew back and hunched over at the impact.

But this poor kid had a long way to go before he could declare himself a mosh-pit warrior. He didn’t just break his nose-he broke at least three key cardinal “warrior”rules:

1-Never plunge into the pit hesitantly. An appropriate entrance to a mosh pit is announced with the sort of big elbow-y swings that say: “I’m coming in!” If you, instead, communicate “I’d like to get in, please,” you’re likely to get hurt.

2-Claim your lane. Once you enter the pit, you must maintain your space at all costs. If you don’t claim your lane, it will quickly become someone else’s lane. And, boom-a collision.

3-Always guard yourself with one fist out. Lead with your fist, never with your face. If you get this wrong you will soon be hunched over, draining blood on the floor.

This guy’s broken nose was, of course, the result of rookie mistakes. His nose would heal and he’d be back in the pit in no time. But for now he sat sulking in my office, waiting for his parents to pick him up…

photo(12)WOULD YOU LIKE KNOW HOW A 5’3″ HUNDRED-AND-NOTHING-POUND CHURCH YOUTH PASTOR COLLECTED SUCH A VAST WORKING KNOWLEDGE OF MOSH-PIT SURVIVAL STRATEGIES?

READ FULL ARTICLE IN THE SEPT/OCT ISSUE OF GROUP MAGAZINE.

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